From The Blog Series… 365 Blogs To Finding Pinocchio A Home
Where do I want to start? Well, this is Blog #6 of “365 Blogs to Finding Pinocchio a Home”. I committed to writing this blog series a little over two months ago, and I am finding out that by taking actions and having to report back here, to you, it is making this journey more about being my word than about getting somewhere or recieving something in return. This blog is becoming my own reflective template and my own personal playground, where I get to have fun while I share the actions I have taken, day in and day out, towards finding Pinocchio a home.
Now, as I begin writing Blog #6, what comes to my mind is this phrase, “Dialing Pain”. An aquiantance of mine called me up recently to ask for a little bit of guidance and feedback in reference to some pressures she was dealing with in her personal and financial life. During the conversation, she said something about her “dialing pain”, and it stuck in my head, so much so, that I feel the need to talk further about it here. This concept of “dialing pain” in our lives when pressures arise, rather than dialing love, peace, joy, gratitiude or humility. I know that the habit I’ve picked up at an early age, when some pressure, tragedy or uncomfortable situation arises, is that of tapping into the pain and the helplessness of each situation, which immediately leads me into feeling sorry for myself, guiding me towards some type of unproductive and hurtful activity, usually involving food and over eating or spending money on something just to fill some void.
But I have been working on creating a new habit, for some time now, to deal with life’s daily pressures, one that is gentle on myself and positively effective. It’s the habit of creating balance where balance doesn’t exist. It’s becoming comfortable in uncomfortable situations and circumstances. Making “Uncomfortable” the “NEW Comfortable”! Did I lose you? Well, let me explain it further.
For me, the best way to feel comfortable when I am faced with discomfort in my life, which, by the way, happens pretty regularly, is to dial into words like love, peace, joy, gratitiude or humility. So, when something comes up that feels pretty shitty and is making me feel a bit off balance inside, I will immediately become aware of the feelings I am feeling, and then, rather than act out in hurtful ways towards myself, I act smart and write down my thoughts and take an action or two from what I wrote down that seems the most calm and clear to me, in regards to that current imbalanced situation. This act of gentleness somehow guides me back into calm and serenity, rather than remaining in that very stressed out, unproductive, fuzzy place that is just so damn paralyzing! So, you see, I create a balance where there is none, at that moment of imbalance. And, in doing so, I stay away from the fatal question, why? I ask loving questions like, “How can I get through this situation in a loving and respectful way towards myself and others? What can I learn from this recent experience? What can I do to create abundance around the imbalance.” By becoming aware of my feelings, writing them down, taking actions from those written down thoughts and asking myself the loving questions, not the fatal one, I create comfort in my uncomfort. I create balance rather than dialing pain.
What does this have to do with finding Pinocchio a home? Well, to allow myself a real chance at becoming a full time musician and having placements on tv and film or having labels or publishers interested in my songwriting ability, I must create balance in an imbalanced entertainment industry that is present today! There are so many ups and downs that occur each day that if I do not use productive tools to return me calmly, and pretty quickly, back to balance when imbalance stikes, I will have no chance at this goal of mine here. It makes sense, doesn’t it? So, I am following this theme of making “Uncomfortable” the “NEW Comfortable”, and easing my way into getting Pinocchio a home that way!
Now, let’s talk for a moment, if you don’t mind, about the number 365! 365 blogs! 365 blogs? Oh, boy, saying that makes it seem like a heck of a lot of writing. And yes, it is. Yet, at the same time, it’s not a lot at all. It just depends on how I look at the picture I am painting here. In either case, I am very hopeful about finding Pinocchio a great home. And yes, there are no guarantees. I don’t know for sure what will be as I continue on this journey and that’s totally fine with me. I just want to follow through and learn from it all.
Now, before I jump into what’s been going on since I last wrote, I want to talk about my favorite holiday that just passed. Thanksgiving! While it’s my favorite of all the holidays, it somehow throws me into an odd space afterwords, actually most all the major holidays do. It’s like I start to compare my life to all the people in my life, past and present, here and gone, and I feel like I have not done as much or I don’t have as much. But, when I take a moment to think, I find out that I don’t particularly like having a lot of stuff. I used to when I was little. I was a collecter of things, of chachkas, as I called them. My room looked like a museum. I’m not kidding! Everything I had was alligned perfectly, from all my dolls, to all of my smurf and ceramic figures; each one had a specific assigned spot. I just loved stuff! But now, I like simplicity. A part of that shift, I think, has to do with two specific experiences that have happened over the past 8 years.
The first one being my apartment burning down back in 2002 in NY, while I was in LA for 6 months, street performing and exploring the music scene. A week before I was to return back home to NY, my apartment burnt down. I came back home and found myself with nothing but a few boxes of memories that was, ironically, in perfect condition. This fire was a clear sign to me that LA was where I needed to be and that life is short so I might as well start living it fully. I chose to get back on a plane and officially move to LA and continue on the musical journey I had started 6 months before. I remained there for 7 years. The lifestyle was a simple one, and with that simplicity, I was able to do what I loved, music, for that time.
The second experience that got me in the habit of living in simplicity and not getting attached to material things happened only a few months ago, June 28th 2011, to be exact. I came home from my “day job” around 11:30am and found that my house had been burglarized. By the way, the job I have is not part of my vision as a singer, songwriter and creator, but it does allow me to move towards my vision without financial worry, so, it does works nicely, for now. Anyway, they took 99% of all my music gear from my guitars, to my amps, to my keyboard, to my computer and hard drive, to all my hard copies of past music videos and live performances over the past 15 years. And if that wasn’t enough, they took my personal files including my social security number. It was a horrible experience and a challenge to get through, but I did get through it, one day at a time.
With this experience came yet another reminder that I must let go of things, material things, to let abundance come into my life in other forms and other ways. And after the fear and anger and rage passed, I was left with the hope that things could return to normal. And, I was able to replace most of what I had lost in the burglary. I am feeling very hopeful now about life as a whole. Oh, believe me, I asked why this and why that for a few days and then I started doing what I said a little while ago. I started to work through the tragic experience on paper, writing down what was going on inside of me and slowly I got comfortable in this very uncomfortable situation.
It’s ironic what was occurring inside of me the day before this event. I had been thinking heavily about going back into the studio to record this new song I had, “Pinocchio”, which this blog fully encomposses, but I wanted a real reason to record the song. I was not ready to record a full album, but I had the itch to go back and record. Then, a new vision arose inside of me which made perfect sense. It was to start recording “singles” rather than full albums. This way I could focus my attention on one song at a time, rather than a whole album of songs. I could handle the marketing and promotion as an independent artist better by keeping my focus small. Marketing one song to it’s fullest potential, rather than market an album half ass, made sense to me, especially in how today’s entertainment industy is going. With this vision clear in mind, I wanted a sign, a specific purpose to start this recording process of “Pinocchio”. And just to get you aquainted with Pinocchio, here are two videos of the song: Pinocchio – Full Band at The Bitter End and Pinocchio – Acoustic Version at LIC BAR
So, that night before the burglary, I was feeling a bit restless and there were a few dvd’s my mom had left behind, which she borrowed from a friend of hers. I figured I would watch them. Do you know what they ended up being? ABC’s top shows for this current season. I put one of the two dvd’s in, and on the screen were a list of 10 shows to choose from. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I clicked on this show called, “Once Upon A Time”. Wow! Once I finished watching that beginning episode, which was not to be aired until a few months later, I got the sign I asked for and I knew that this show was a perfect reason to record “Pinocchio”. In case you have not watched the show yet, both Pinocchio and Gepetto are characters in the show. It’s a pretty solid show which I am presently enjoying each Sunday night. So, anyway, I thought to myself, “Ok, now we’re talking, I can record this song and then attempt to pitch it to the music supervisor for the show”, which is Mark Isham. I went to sleep that night very calm and serene. I planned on contacting the producer that I worked with on last year’s album, “A Very Jenny Christmas”, Ron Zabrocki, when I returned home from my day job that next day.
And then… the burglary happened that next day while I was at work. And then… my creative life was at a stand still for weeks…. And then, one day at a time, one task at a time, one breathe at a time, I got through the situation with calm, humility and patience. And with the help of my family and friends, I was able to keep it all together. And this is where the theme, “Uncomfortable is the NEW Comfortable”, comes in. During those weeks, I found myself filled with fear and resentment and anger and then calm and peace and clarity. And once I got myself to a solid point of balance, I called Ron up, and we recorded Pinocchio in a month’s time.
No, I did not put it up yet for sale. Yes, I have a plan. And I will share that with you soon enough as these blogs continue. Until then, I just want to say that something wonderful can come out of the worst experiences if you just have hope and faith and follow words like love, peace, joy, gratitiude or humility and saying no to that concept of “dialing pain” and asking that fatal question, “Why Me?” And in addition, I will say that I will never doubt myself again when I see others that have more than me. I don’t need lots of stuff. I’ll be more than happy with an abundance of experiences. For those experiences can never be stolen from me. They are mine forever.
Now, onto the meat and potatoes of this blog. What’s been going on since Blog 5? Let’s start with the most challenging action I took. In Blog #5 I talked about my going back to the song, “My Stepping Stone”, and reworking it, using what Taxi’s feedback suggested as my main guide. Well, I did it! I took the action and yes, that little voice did find it’s way into my brain saying, “What do they know? I don’t have to rewrite this song. Someone will like it the way it is, eventually! ”. But, I just quieted the voice and continued the task of reworking the song. Why? Because I said I would. Being my word kept me on track. It was interesting to give this older song a new feel and look. You might say I gave it a facelift. And, as I did the surgery on , “My Stepping Stone”, a new face appeared called, “I’m Still Here”. So what next? Well, now that I have reworked it, I’m onto the next part of the songwriting process. I’ll be recording a demo of it so I can resend it to Taxi’s Critique Squad. I will keep you posted.
Staying on the Taxi front for one more moment, I wanted to share that I received news that two more of my submissions passed through the Taxi Gates. And out of those two submissions, 4 songs passed through: “Bend” and “Am I A Woman” for one, and “Rain Fall Down On Me” and “Ceased” for the other! I also received positive feedback on a few more of the songs I had sent in that did not make it through the gates for some reason or another. I’ll just keep on listening to their feedback, applying changes and letting the rest fall into place.
What else? I just got word a few days ago from Sonicbids that another one of my submissions was accepted. I received a note from “Women of Substance Radio” saying they will be playing my song, “Lone Pine”, on their station. I will keep you up to date with when they play the song when they let me know more. In the meantime, feel free to check out who they are and what artists they are playing. So far I have sent in 15 submissions over the past 3 months, I have been chosen for two, I was informed from 5 of those sumissions that I was not selected, and I am curently waiting on 8 more to reply. And that’s that on the Sonicbids front!
What else can I share? Oh, over the past few weeks I have been practicing my holiday songs for this Christmas Season. While I recorded the album, “A Very Jenny Christmas”, last year, I mostly focused on the vocals. This year, I wanted to focus on the musical aspects on guitar. It’s been a good experience in the process. What’s cool about most Christmas songs is that there are, in general, a lot of chord changes, and it is a great way to brush up on my chord knowledge in a fun way. Even though I have been playing guitar for 16 years, I feel like I’ve just tapped the surface of it all. One step at a time, easy does it, and life will let me progress at my own natural pace with my growth as a musician.
On the business side of things, I put out my Christmas Newsletter on December 1st. I chose to explore two business tools within the newsletter and spread the word on all my social networks like Facebook and Twitter. One business tool I used was free holiday song giveaways each week until the 25th to get people in the spirit and allow them to listen to songs with no commitment. The other business tool I used was that of a three day sale on all my albums. I am very clear that as I share all this with you, I accept that in finding Pinocchio a home, I cannot do it alone. ”The greater the team, the greater the team”. I now accept that I will need a strong team of like minded people behind me to fully kick this full time career into full blast. And these steps that I am taking, putting one foot in front of the other, is allowing me to observe my actions and the results, without judgement. I can then notice what is, and isn’t working, with my music career and with my music business techniques. And, rather than go lock myself in a room, or eat myself to oblivion, or just let go of all I have worked on because it’s just to much… I get that it is impossible to do it all alone. I need help. I need people who know much more than I do, and I need people who know much less than I, and I need the fans who truly believe in what I write and what I stand for musically, and as I practice letting go of control, the solutions will come naturally as I continue to take actions. I don’t need to know it all right now. I just need to keep focused on Pinocchio, improving my writing and doing the best I can at the business side until I am ready to take that next step of finding the first teammate to help create something greater than myself.
And I think I will end this blog right there. Thank you for sharing these moments with me. I wish you a beautiful day ahead and I will see you back here soon enough as I take more actions to move forward and get one step closer to finding Pinocchio a home!