HEALTH – In 2018 I started with a goal of getting to my ideal weight. While it took almost the whole year, by September 15th I accomplished my goal. A few days later, my Uncle Eugene passed. A week and a half later my true love, soul mate and best friend, Rich, suddenly passed. A month later, Rich’s Uncle ended up in the hospital and is still there. I continue daily to pray. Then a few days ago, my Titi Juana passed. The weight I had spent a year losing has now all been put back on.

In 2019, I will begin again, without judgement, to get back to my goal weight. Life is a continuous rollercoaster ride and we cannot give up on our goals just because our success was followed by failure. It’s all a part of life. 

SPIRITUALITY – In 2018, I raised my vibrations spiritually. I practiced putting my focus on prayer and meditation more and more, for both the good of others and of myself. In the past year, it’s because of my spiritual practices and continuing to have faith, hope, compassion and love for others, and for myself, that I have been able to stay grounded even though 2018 has been the hardest year of my life. 

I pray that 2019 brings me more peace and clarity. I accept that The Universe knows what it’s doing, even though a lot of things right now make little sense. 

CAREER – My goal in 2018 was to create more money through other sources of independent means rather than working in the food industry. Two ideas came about that made sense: Mindset Coaching & Decluttering people’s homes. 

With mindset coaching, I was able to write a manual for coaching, promote my business and put up two workshops which allowed me to improve my skills as a coach and take on a few solid clients throughout the year. 

As for decluttering, I was gifted with work, through word of mouth, and got to use my natural skills to give people clarity, calm and a space which they could feel good about living in. It gave me joy to be able to do this. I got to work less at my catering / bartending job and work more independently around doing things I do naturally and get paid for them. 

In 2019, I will reevaluate these areas and see what to do next. 

VISION – In 2018, my goal was to get paid work in Nashville as a songwriter and musician, to build a stronger music community around me, find a mentor to guide my journey and become a better songwriter. 

I played a handful of unpaid “Writers Rounds” at The Commodore Grille, Radio Cafe, The Local, Bobby’s Idle Hour and Belcourt Taps, to name a few. I also put together a few shared shows for enjoyment with my musician friends at my favorite place in East Nashville, The Bowery Vault, (Boutique & Lounge) and made a few bucks through passing the bucket around. 

I was grateful to play an unpaid house concert series in Franklin at Wanda & Terry Seay, which is called “Z Music Room”. That night, hit songwriter James T Slater was the headliner.

Halfway through 2018, I put in my head that I needed to up my cover song repertoire to be able to get paid as a songwriter. I even though about playing down on Broadway. Before having to do that, I was gifted with an opportunity to get my first real paid gig in Nashville twice a month at The Westin. The great perk of this gig has been that they are open to what I play. I spent two months preparing for the start of the gig, creating a set list of all my original songs,  starting from my first full length album back in 2000 all the way through my newest album from 2017. I now play once to twice a month at The Westin, 4 hours of mostly my originals and toss in a handful of my favorite covers. 

I also got invited to be the headliner in Huntsville, Alabama by my musician friend Neal Rem Neal, to do a paid house concert which was streamed live on Spice Radio. What a wonderful experience this was. Everyone was so attentive and kind and truly enjoyed themselves. 

Twice, I was invited by David Ladewig to do a paid gig in Murfreesboro Veterans Home to sing on Memorial Day and Veterans Day. Both events were magical in many ways. 

As for finding a mentor, at the CD Baby conference, I put it out there that I wanted clarity around my music and a mentor to help me see what I’m doing right and wrong. I invested in a group mentor, Rick Barker, who I thought could help fill this space. I’m learning more around marketing and social media to help better me as a business woman. 

As for building my songwriting community, it’s taking time and it’s a process. While there are many communities in Nashville, I’ve found two so far that are feeling like home for me. 

And as for building my songwriting skills, it’s a continuous process. It’s kinda like this…. You feel a huge growth spurt after doing lots of work on your music and then you feel stagnant for a while until the next growth spurt arrives. It’s all about perseverance, patience and faith. I just gotta stay grounded in being both a beginner and a teacher, playing out, writing songs, collaborating with folks and experiencing life. 

I ended 2018 with my “12 Days ‘Till Christmas” project. It was a last minute thought that came to my mind and I ran with it. I asked people on Facebook what their favorite holiday songs were. From that, I put together the 12 songs along with the wardrobe, 12 quotes to go with each song, recorded each, edited them and created a whole experience with the help of a web-designer. It was an intense December but I did it! People seemed to enjoy it. I used all the tools and education from Rick group mentoring sessions and education packet to create the best experience for others on social media and through my email list. It also gave me an opportunity to breathe since Rich’s passing has been so devastating. Music most definitely heals in many ways. 

ROMANCE – While I attempted in the beginning of 2018 all the way through August to go out there and give love a chance, deep down I realized non fit me like Rich did from years ago. The dating experiences I did have were very toxic. For whatever reason, I kept meeting men who were not mentally, spiritually, physically or emotionally open to a relationship. I am a woman who has worked on herself and has gotten rid of my baggage. I am not perfect in any way, but I am aware of my actions and of my internal chatter and I love myself 100%. 

In saying that, I am unwilling to be with anyone who does not love themselves and who is not open and available for the possibility of a healthy relationship. There are many narcissistic men out there who I encountered and I chose to see the red flags right away and remove them from my life. I have no place in my life for men who are not their word. 

The irony of it all is that through years of trying to find the right man for me, I had already found him years ago. We were too young at the time, but Richard Hartmann was the man for me. As I’ve spoken here so much about his sudden passing, in October, and my brokenness from it all, what I have received over the past two months is that I did find the man of my dreams. And while he and I were meant to marry, meant to be together forever, for the second run of our lives, life hits in ways that just doesn’t make any sense. But what does make sense is that I had what most people in their lives never find; a true love, a soul mate, a best friend. I’m good at this point in my life around romance. I feel grateful for being able to love Rich and Rich love me the way we did, and always will. 

In 2019, I will find the strength and courage to work on me, work on my career and have Rich guide me through it all. He is with me more now than he ever was. 

LOOKING AHEAD – With all that has occurred in 2018, I am stronger today than I was yesterday. I will continue to be patient, loving and kind to both myself and others. I will be the change I want to see in others. I will open my heart up to those who genuinely need it and I will continue to walk along this path called life. And, while I don’t quite get what is going on, I will not give up on myself or anyone around me. Life is a journey. It’s meant to be lived FULLY. 

Here’s to 2019…