From The Blog Series… 365 Blogs To Finding Pinocchio A Home   

Before you go and take anything from someone, without asking… I ask you to think twice. This world is a beautiful place until we start to think we can just do whatever it is that we want. It is only through respecting ourselves that we can even begin to respect others. And when we hit the point where we ignore our feelings and deny the truth… beware.. danger is just around the corner…

Last year, I experienced a burglary. The people involved left me with a a huge mess of my life, one that I would have to put back together, one day at a time. While I have been able to pick up the pieces and am grateful for those who stood by my side through the tragedy, I do not deny the fear that still rushes in, every time I leave my home, wondering if today is the day they decide to come back. But the truth of the matter is, this experience has made me that much stronger, reminding me that everything on earth is temporary, so I don’t hold on too tightly to anything. Instead, I simply enjoy life as I go, being grateful for all I already have at this moment.

So, for this blog, I want to share the thoughts I wrote down a few days after the burglary, when the the numbness left my body and the reality surged right in. I feel like today, June 28, 2012 is the day to fully let go of the last remains of this experience. I fully accept what happened and I forgive the people who did this. We are all damaged goods, some of us get help to better ourselves while other just stay stuck. I forgive because I can.

Turning it back around… by Jennifer Vazquez

You watched me from a far for who knows how long. You knew who I was, what I was all about. I felt safe inside. It never even entered my mind. I probably saw you and didn’t even know. Violation is the worst crime. I’m angry, raged by the thought of all that you took. All that infested energy you left behind. What happened to you to make you come to this? You planned your scheme. Your team all agreed. The gifts you would get, the pleasures and the highs. Stealing everything that mattered the most to me. Shocked and confused from what I found, I cried like a baby and ran out my door.  This space… of helplessness and pure fear. Can’t wrap my head around what’s just been done. Filled out the reports, watched them dust for prints, CSI and Criminal Minds just became my reality. “No officer, I really can’t think of a person in my past who could have done this.” But we move on….and we heal and we roughen up our skin.

Shame on you! Shame on me! I don’t need stuff, I need sanity. Your thoughtless actions just put me right back to where I started. With the tears I shead and the frustration to start all over again. Safety has now become a chore and this place I call home, a dungeon of fear to return to. Shame on you, shame on me for getting attached to this thing called stuff. Two weeks of sleepless nights tossing and turning waiting for your return.  I’m a paranoid, fear ridden child who’s just been beaten up by some big bully. I am sitting silent in my room emptied of all my stuff. Oh what a blast you guys had in such a blink of a moment. Months of rebuilding, a lifetime to let this simmer. I guess I forgot that having the courage to build something special also means having the wisdom to know it may, at any moment, be taken away.

No… not everything can be replaced, but I can do my best to build something new from all this experience in me. I know I can build it better this time. And I know this was somehow meant to be. And now… I don’t want to sleep. I am not tired. I work myself to the bone…. until I can begin to see clearly again. And now I am all wiped out! I like that feeling, I crave that internal fullness. All my answers to the questions I obsess on, all that abundance I envision; it’s all inside. And it’s waiting for me to notice the light in that, not so distant, doorway. I just need the faith, the courage and the willingness to open up my eyes. My humility is my sanity. The wisdom I listen closely to directs me to move forward effortlessly. If only I let go of all the stuff and just hold onto the big picture. Life, it’s about living…not about hoarding.

These are my thoughts. This is my truth. And I really wanted to let it out. Those tears, the ones you forced upon me. Those tears are nothing more than the passion I still have, the courage you indirectly provided me with from invading my safe place. Thank you, thank you! You yanked me right back to the beginning. I could hate what you just did, but somehow I feel calm under all this pain. My life, what I am, what I dream of being, proof of what I already am. Thank You! Back to the drawing board… I will start over once again. I won’t let fear to get the best of me. I am down on my knees, I am ready to let go of this tugging control inside of me. Yes, I’m turning this all around! And with every single breathe I take, the truth is revealed. An empty wallet may stop me for a while, but an empty canvas gives me everything to live for. An empty canvas give me hope!

Thanks for being witness to this experience. And yes, I am one day closer to finding Pinocchio a home.